


Personal.

by HardiganCaptain



Category: Bronson (2008)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-13 14:20:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HardiganCaptain/pseuds/HardiganCaptain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No really, I don't mind if you read it, but I need to vent and it's easier for me to write than to talk to someone about it. Some of the things written are going to be pretty sick, or twisted, or what not, because writing is the tool I use to vent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

His fingers skimmed her wrist, moving to curl around it and lift it to press his lips against the faint line that marred the tawny skin of her forearm. She still wasn’t sure she wanted to play this game, but he’d been idly tracing the scars on her skin for weeks without a word until now.

“What’s this one from?”

“I was trying to climb over a chain link fence and slipped, the top cut into my arm as I fell over.”

“Why were you climbin’ a fence, pet?” He tilted his head to look at her face, the angle difficult when she kept it facing down cheek resting on his shoulder.

“One of my neighbors set his dog on me.”

”How old?”

“Seven?” her eyebrows came together as she tried to think. “Maybe eight, I don’t really remember. He was some idiot racist, doesn’t matter now.”

“And this one?” he trailed along a scar that ran up her shin, the pale skin slick compared to the smooth leg. “What’s this one from?”

“Running. I tried to hop over a small garden fence and miscalculated. That one took ages to stop bleeding.”

” ‘nother dog?”

“Nah,” titling her head she nuzzled his throat, inhaling through her nose deeply before settling again. “It was at a friend of the family’s house. There was a hurricane, the wind and rain were just breath taking, so I went outside. I’ve always loved a good storm so I was playing in the bad weather. I can spend hours in a down pour.” 

“I know, pet. Surprised you don’t get sick.”

Silent, she ran her hand along his chest, fingers curling as she scratched lightly. Scars were stories, and she wasn’t ashamed of any of them, but there were some stories she didn’t like thinking about. Soft lips and coarse hair brushing over her forehead jerked her out of her musings.

“I get sick, sometimes, for a while.” 

“What about the one under your chin, eh? Was that one a fight?”

“Nope,” lifting her hand to scratch lightly at the thin ragged line, she sighed, “I was spinning in an office chair at my Da’s job and when he yelled at me I was startled and tried to grab for the edge of the desk. Missed it, wound up slamming down and splitting my chin open. The way he tells it I almost bit my tongue off too. I was three years old, tops.”

“Ah, you close with your old man?”

“No.”

The abrupt answer made his fingers stop stroking over her hip, his breath stilling for a moment before continuing. She could hear the question he wanted to ask, felt him mulling over the possibility of getting an answer. She let the silence drag out, sullenly tracing over the scar, bitterly hating the fuzzy memory she could only half recall.

“Why not?”

“Because he’s a liar, and a self made martyr, and he thinks he can manipulate everyone.” the acid in her tone burned her throat, mouth snapping shut as she turned her face to bury it in his chest. Her fingers curled bunching the fabric of his shirt in her fist. “I don’t hate him, not really, but I don’t trust a thing he says and isn’t that worse?”

When he didn’t answer she almost lifted her head, almost pulled back to see the expression on his face but played the coward at the last moment. There wasn’t a hint of tenseness in the muscle of his chest, the rise and fall still just as steady as before, but he didn’t have the same tells everyone else did. His fingers curled to thread with hers with no hesitation, and she felt her stomach drop, they twitched lightly a moment later before resettling.

“What about your mum?”

“What about her?”

“You get on alright?” his fingertips dug lightly into the back of her hand, that feeling of uneasiness in her stomach growing worse.

Lips thin, she shook her head. She could feel his other hand curled into a tight fist where it rested on her waist. He was going to over think this, hell she already was, regretting the Q n A with every fiber of her being.

“Why not?”

“She couldn’t protect me, couldn’t save me, so why should I trust her either?”

“Do you trust me?” his voice was soft, no hint of what he was thinking in his voice.

“Yes.”

“You didn’t hesitate, should have thought first.”

Frowning, she finally pushed off his chest, nuzzling his jaw with her own as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” twisting to straddle his lap she took in a breath and sighed. “I do nothing but think all day, of course I had an answer ready.”

She could feel his jaw working, his chin pushing against her shoulder before finally resting his hands on her hips. Nuzzling his throat she pressed tighter against him, nails digging into the thick muscle.

“What about this one here?” his forefinger traced a line over her hip, his chin hooking over her shoulder. “What’s this one?”

“My grandmother used a belt on me, she was drunk but that didn’t stop her.” 

“And this?” his lips brushed over the crescent shaped scar on her shoulder.

“I fell out of a truck when I was playing around in the truck bed, fell on top of a hammer and it tore into me.”

“Hmm,” his hands pushed at her hips, persistent until she sat on his lap staring at him confused when he tapped a finger over her heart. “This one?”

“…. That’s a lot of stories to tell.” she tried to smile, though the expression wasn’t half as convincing as she hoped. “We don’t have to talk about that one right? It’ll take forever.”

“I’ve got time.”


	2. Chapter 2

Her skin was crawling, the hairs raising as she rubbed her forearms trying to chase it away. It wasn't working, her nails scraped against the skin, scratching at it until it narrowed to her wrists. Clawing at her wrist, she grit her teeth as she furiously tried to dig out the sensation. It wasn't until his hands shook her by her shoulders that she looked down at the crimson ruin, blinking even as she continued to dig, her brow furrowing as she glared at it. If she could just dig deep enough she could pull it out, it was something in the veins, beneath them, something.

"Stop it."

Shaking her head, she clawed at the skin trying to reach the blue veins that pulsed mockingly at her, a low sound coming from her throat. If she stopped the feeling would spread again, it would slither up her arms, through her chest, fill her stomach, and cut off her air. Whining softly, she lifted her wrist to her mouth and bit down, feeling blood trickle over her tongue.

"What are you doing?! Stop it!" His fingers slipped when he tried to grab her wrist away from her mouth. "Stop!"

"It's wrong, something's wrong."

"I know, tryin' to chew through your fuckin' wri- Stop!"

"I can't, I need to-" her breath was short, quick panicky pants as her nails started clawing again. "Can you see it? It's there I know it is, it's right beneath the skin if I could just-"

She let out a soft screech when he grabbed her wrist, twisting and tugging trying to pull it out of his grip. Eyes wide, she stared up at him, whimpering as she pawed at his hand trying to slide her wrist free.

"You don't understand."

"Tell me then, stop clawin' at yourself." His voice was low, soothing, but it wasn't doing any good.

Head shaking back and forth again, she finally managed to pull her wrist loose, cradling it against her stomach as she resumed clawing that the skin. It was there, she could feel it, every beat of her heart was sending it pulsing through her. Out, out, out, out-

Her breath caught in her throat when he shoved her back, pinning her down and holding her arms above her head. Staring up at him was all wrong, like she saw his face, recognized it, but it wouldn't stay clicked. Hips lifting, she tried to throw him off, her heels digging into the carpet for extra leverage as she swallowed her screams. Trapped, stuck, lost, oh gods it was all lost. She couldn't remember what, or even when it was taken but it was gone, long gone.

"Breathe."

Blinking she nodded her head in sharp jerks, soft mewling sounds escaping her with each shallow breath. She could do that, breathing was a natural function, the body literally couldn't not breathe, even underwater the body would in it's final moments desperately try to take a breath. But it wasn't working, the shallow breaths were all she could manage and stared at him horrified.

"Breathe."

"Stop saying that!"

Her blood slick fingers curled into a fist and she swung at him as he stared down at her in shock, her knuckles burrowing through skin and muscle to hit his collarbone. The instant relief had her taking her first full breath in over an hour, teeth bared she swung again, hitting him in the jaw.

"What are you-" He ran his thumb along his lip to wipe away the blood that ran over his lip.

Smiling at him, she watched him hesitate as he stared, pushing off her and standing before taking steps back. Her feet almost slid from beneath her as she scrambled onto them, her expression wavering between joyous at finally being able to breathe and guilt for hitting him. He didn't get a chance to ask her about it, the fingers on her left hand slowly tapping the air as though there were piano keys beneath them. Blinking once, all expression vanished, humming softly as she walked past him and out the door.

Don't hurt him, stop hitting, stop fighting, walk. Just walk.

She yanked her arm out of his grip before he could get a firm grip, her fingers dancing in the air as she spun, and almost continued spinning before suddenly veering towards the door. Walk, a walk would be good. Moving was good. Moving was always good, the feel of the ground beneath her feet, the air moving over her skin, she needed it. Her world spun, her air leaving her in a rush when her back slammed into the door. 

"Where are you going?"

"Out. I need to go out. I just-" she trailed off with a throat ridden scream as she lifted her hands to bury into her hair. "I can't be inside, right now. The walls are too close, I can't breathe in here!"

"It's three o'clock in the mornin', pet. You can't just go wanderin' arou-"

"I can and I will." Her voice was deadly calm, though her fingers were scratching lightly at the door.

"I'll go with you, then. Make sure no one-"

"No."

"If you think that I'm going to let you out, with your wrist bleedin' and drippin' blood, you're fuckin' loony." Grabbing her hands, he turned her wrist over and stared at the blood that seeped out of the wounds. "Let me clean-"

"No!"

Snatching her wrist out of his grasp, she shoved him backwards and tried to open the door only to have him slam it shut. It didn't occur to her to try and shove him away again, her fingers curling and slipping on the door knob as she struggled to pull it open. Falling against it she screamed as she beat the side of her fist against it, the other hand tugging at the knob. Can't breathe, can't see, can't stay. Out, I need to get out.

"Shh, just, c'mere, shh."

Her stomach heaved when his hands lightly passed over her arms, the feeling of his fingers tightening left her feeling physically ill. No, no, no, not again. Stop touching, stop feeling, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

"Okay, okay." The hands were gone, but she could still feel him, feel the heat of him against her skin.

"Go away. Please, please, go away."

When he didn't answer, she slowly turned her head to look at him, dimly surprised that she had to tilt her head. She didn't remember sliding down the door, kneeling there with her arms around her waist. Taking a shaky breath, she tried to stand but he was still too close and she couldn't bring herself to move. What if he touched her again? Too close, far too close.

"Let me just-"

She snarled at him, at the hand that was hovering near her and shot to her feet, shouldering him in the stomach as she made it to her feet to force him back.

"Don't touch me!" She screeched, her fist swinging to hit him.

It didn't matter where, she needed him to stop, needed him to not. Fist slamming into his stomach, she felt the pressure in her chest ease, the crawling beneath her skin hesitate before roaring to life again. Violence, violence was good, hurting was good. She needed that, needed to feel pain, to inflict it, something. Her head ached, pounding, pulsing, she couldn't see anything but him. The look on his face as she punched him again, the surprise, the discomfort. But it didn't matter, her knuckles ached as she hit him again in the chest, her other arm moving and catching him in the ribs.

A sharp pain radiated through her, and at first she didn't know what it was, the wall in front of her hazy before realizing he'd slapped her. Lifting her hand to her cheek, she trailed her fingers over the heated flesh as she turned her head back to him.

"Don't touch me."

"I'm not goin' to stand here and let you hit me." He blocked the haymaker she threw at him, catching her hand in his palm and she felt her torso curve as her stomach heaved. "Stop it! What's wrong with you?"

Letting out a screech off frustration, she pulled her hand loose and glared at him as she panted. It only took her a moment to slip past him and out the door, not bothering to close it behind her as she ran down the front steps and across the street. Dimly she could hear him calling her, but her blood was pounding in her ears, she could feel the air passing over her skin. Her calves burned and she couldn't figure out how to stop. It wasn't until she felt the rain that was beating down on her head and shoulders that she finally became aware. Chest heaving, she stood still for a minute, tilting her head back and blinking into the rain.

The buildings around her were unfamiliar, staring at the street sign didn't do her any good. Thunder rattled her chest, into the marrow of her bones, the echo of it chasing away the last of the crawling sensation from beneath her skin. Turning she looked for some place to sit down and catch her breath, falling onto the curb with slow breaths when nothing became apparent. There wasn't any traffic, no lights on in the buildings around her, and her ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton.

She wanted to go home now, please... 

She felt a hint of panic starting and desperately squashed it down, her fingers digging into her knees before letting go. The knuckles of her right hand throbbing, her wrists aching. Home, home, home, I want to go home. Crossing her arms over her knees, she let her forehead rest on them as she took stock of the assorted injuries.

Wrists, right knuckles, knees, jaw, and her right ankle.

She got off light and she counted her blessings for it, trailing her fingertips along her knuckles before laying back on the concrete. Maybe another minute or so and she'd be able to figure out something, notice a familiar landmark, something.

"You done then?"

Startled, she sat up, feeling her legs protest when she tried to stand before giving up. His palm was warm when he gripped her hand and pulled her to her feet, her arms wrapping around his torso as she buried her face against his chest. This was good, she was so cold she almost felt numb.

"That a yes?"

Nodding her head, she pressed closer to him. If she could get away with it, she wouldn't talk about it ever again. She hated it, hated the feeling under her skin, the static that filled her brain. Sliding her hand up his chest, she turned it to stare at her wrist with a sense of detachment. Her skin wouldn't even show a mark in a few weeks, she learned that the first time, and the second, and the thi-

"What the hell was that all about?"

"I-" she coughed, wincing when her throat ached. "I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"It just- I don't know, sometimes it just happens." Her fingers tightened in the fabric of his shirt, tilting her chin to nose his throat where his scent was strongest. "It's like I can't breathe, so I just kind of... Well you saw."

"I don't remember seein' that before, that the first time you-"

"Sometimes I can stave it off, long walk, the right music." She shrugged her shoulders, she flinched when he pushed her arms away and stared at her. "It sits there in the back of my mind all the time, just buzzing..."

When he didn't say anything, she swallowed the spew of words she could still feel in her throat, plucking at his shirt. Frowning at the red smear on his shirt, she looked at her wrist again. The claw marks were deeper this time, the blood still seeping upwards and she stepped back to trail her fingers over it.

"Stop toyin' with it. Get in the car."

"You don't drive."

"I did tonight. If you think I was goin' to run after you- Do you have any idea how loony you looked?" Tucking his finger beneath her chin, he lifted until her eyes met his. "I didn't know you could jump that high."

"What are you talking about?"

"Instead of going around a bench you went over it, scrambled up a mesh fence..."

"Really?" She wasn't sure if that was really cool, or really worrying. She didn't remember doing that, though that would explain her knees.

"You still, um, you still want me to go away?"

"What? No! Why would you-"

"You told me to leave."

"Well don't. Ever."


End file.
